The cool thing is that there’s actually psychology to back this part up.
Then they start thinking “I want someone to love me.”. Which leads them to start thinking that they can’t ever find the right person for them. But if enough time goes by where they’re left alone they start to feel a bit lonely. Then they feel super happy about the fact that they left. Once this goes on long enough the avoidant person starts debating on when they’re going to leave. Then the avoidant person starts to notice some anxious behaviors from the other person and the cracks begin to form. Next when they’ve found that person they think, “This is great my love troubles are over.”. The avoidant starts by thinking “I want someone to love me”. What’s really interesting is that these two attachment styles are often drawn to one another and yet they end up in this self fulfilling phase that I lovingly refer to as “the avoidant-anxious self fulfilling cycle.” While most of our clients tend to have more anxious leaning attachment styles. The reason I hone in on these two types of attachment styles is that we’ve found the vast majority of our clients have avoidant exes, They’ve learned that any time they are vulnerable, it can be used against them and therefore they don’t rely on other people. Ultimately they are afraid of having a deeper emotional connection and it all can stem from their experience in childhood. Often that’s how you’ll figure out if they’re avoidant or not. They typically revert a conversation back to someone else to talk about themselves to avoid the spotlight. Avoidant Attachment Style: They are a person that does not like a lot of emotional intimacy or vulnerability within a relationship. The core wound of them is that they have a fear of abandonment and being alone and so that’s what usually triggers their anxious behaviors in relationships. They really like to feel close to their partners, it’s not uncommon for them to want to spend every single day with them. 
Anxious Attachment Style: This person typically requires a lot of attention and affection.
Specifically how anxious and avoidant attachments interact.įor reference, here’s a few definitions on what they are based on an article I just wrote last week, In order to fully understand this you need to understand a bit about attachment styles. If you want to understand why an ex keeps coming back to you after a breakup time and time again then probably the best place to start is by fully understanding something I like like to call the avoidant-anxious self fulfilling cycle. What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back? Take the quiz Understanding The Avoidant-Anxious Self Fulfilling Cycle
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